What comes after May?

June of course! Then July, August, September and so on...That’s how I deal with things now. I look forward but I live each day as it comes. I’ve heard recently that quite a few cancer sufferers don’t regret the experience because it makes them ‘wake up’ to what’s around them. I can’t say I agree. I was never one for taking life for granted anyway. To me it’s a bloody inconvenience because it restricts the things I want to do. One thing I have realised though is that you’ve got to get out there and do it! Don’t wait for someday when this...or someday when that...just get out there and do it!! I’m not saying go into debt but why wait for that rainy day?

It was during all the palliative care appointments that I decided to stop planning my death. Conversations about where I wanted to die at home or hospital, what was going to happen to Joe and what type of music to play at my own funeral was consuming every minute of the day. I still tried to be light hearted but even when I tried not to think about it, death was always there. I didn’t want to plan for the end because it was like admitting defeat so I decided to live with the cancer. I pace myself and listen to my body but I’m squeezing as much as I can into every week.

This month with great thanks to The Willow Foundation, Joe and I had a track day experience. I’m a bit of a Penelope Pitstop at heart and have always wanted to drive really fast and not worry about speed cameras or other idiots on the road. 100mph in a Porsche overtaking a Ferrari on a disused runway, well that was just what the doctor ordered! There’s nothing like the rush of adrenaline as you fly past a brake sign at 100mph. As for Joe, he loved it. This is a kid that screamed “this isn’t a bloody kid’s ride!” on the Hex at Alton Towers. He was buzzing and absolutely loved it.

Then there was Ladies Day at Ascot. Mind you that come at a cost because with my prognosis in January I sent all my dresses and hats to the charity shop because I wasn’t going to need them where I was going. So I had to buy a new dress, hat and shoes! That’ll teach me for jumping the gun! Can’t say I objected that much though, I’m a woman after all. I did keep my favourite red evening gown though because I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to go to heaven in my best dress or have my mum tuck me in for the last time in my p.j’s. The latter was the winner. I picked the horses that names all had meanings to do with my life. Like Rite of Passage, Invincible Soul and Principle Role and I won on every race bar one. It was another sign of good things to come.

Now this week as an early birthday gift, my ‘bestest little buddy’ Karen took me on a hot air balloon ride. We flew at 4000ft over the beautiful British countryside on a gorgeous summer evening. Perfect! The balloon was a huge Union Jack which was so appropriate because the English football team made it through to the next level in the world cup. That was my ‘stop and smell the flowers’ moment. The views were breathtaking. It made me more determined to not go anywhere because there is still too much beautiful countryside and places to see.

So now what’s next? My 41st birthday. You’ve heard the phrase “I never thought I’d see the day”, well I never and yet here it is. My friends and family are taking me to TGI Fridays. Apparently when it’s your birthday they make you stand on a chair while the restaurant diners sing happy birthday. I am going to stand tall because I’m here!!